After much research, hard work, trial and error, and after consulting (and paying; they don't come cheap) a plethora of social science consultants, we have finally achieved our goal. The stakeholders are pleased; our market share is rising; our popularity is going through the roof. We have reached the ultimate reinvention.
We have made religion God-free--and in the name of God!
Our forms are fabulous, enticing the eyes, tickling the ears, tugging at the heart, drawing in the designer demographic. The choreography is cogent, spectacular, impressive. Our numbers are up, the complaints are down; our path is wide, our message inviting and inclusive.
We have put God on a leash. It is a powerful image: God for us, in our way. We celebrate the love of God without a nasty cross; the power of God without judgment and narrowness; the presence of God without any censorious legalism on his part. O God, we are free of God!
We have a Bible. Oh, we all believe it, or at least salute it at some point in the service. We don't expect you to bring your own, of course. We've moved beyond the book to the screen. We supply the multicolored, ever-moving screens. There a few positive, uplifting texts there, too--at least when it fits the mood we create. We do not mention Psalms of lament or, God help us, Ecclesiastes or Job. These do not speak to busy, postmodern people, you see. Our consultants told us so.
We have no power to heal the sick, or raise the dead, or cast out demons, or call people to repentance or to worship God in abject humility and desperation. Why should we? Who does that any more? It does not fit our postmodern context; it just is not relevant. Besides, it would reduce the numbers. The giving units would shrink. How could we afford our mortgage? When people get sick and die, we try to move on. We turn mourning into laughter as soon as possible.
Gold and silver we have plenty. In the name of our designer God, be happy! Be successful! Don't be negative. God believes in you! God bless us all!
We have a new, better, form of godliness. We have the lights, the cameras, the action. Our seats are comfortable; our platform people are pretty. Nothing is out of line: no hair uncombed, no moment unscripted, no unscheduled episodes. There are no interruptions. We even have an emergency generator. There will be no power failures here.
We have no dead air. We are busy with our program. We are efficient. We give door prizes and smile.
We have reinvented God, our designer God. Surely God is pleased. We use him in so many ways.
We have reinvented communion. Do it your way, in your timing, as you see fit. No old words and stuffy invocations and recitations. Whatever it means to you, it is. And we do it once in while, when our program schedule allow for it.
We have made religion free of God, that old God that failed. And we blink and twitch.
(Yet the remnant of true God-seekers remains.)
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